I love the weekends because most of the time I get to sleep as long as I need and I make it to my final REM cycle and have good dreams. After having a couple of beers at the Longbranch with some friends I came home to a nice slumber and weird dream.
I was at a concert at my elementary school playground. My friend Jefe, who I just left at Longbranch, was there. My boss was there, and a couple other people I can't remember. Well, Jefe starts making out with my boss. This makes me somewhat annoyed so I'm lying on this blanket disgruntled, when I see two anorexic twins being followed by another woman. The woman turns towards the twins and pulls a gun on them.
I run into the building and tell someone in a uniform that this woman has pulled a gun outside. The person turns out to be a mailman or something like that so I run around until I find someone with a "security" shirt. By the time I get back outside there is some shooting going on, so I hide in a corner. I can still see Jefe and my boss making out amongst the commotion.
A guy with a gun is being chased around the corner and he turns and sees me and aims his gun. If he shot at me, I dodge all his bullets with my cunning aerobics and roll moves.
As I'm getting back up, I see someone trying to hide that I hadn't seen "in person" since the 6th grade. We'll call her Laura M. She was mine and everyone elses' elementary school crush. The first girl to actually need to wear a bra. And all the discussion in the boy's bathroom would be about how we saw her bra strap. And we would 'ooh' and 'aww' over stories about her cleavage.
She's an adult now in the dream. And I'm bound to save her and win my make-out session. So, I grab her by the hand and tell her we need to run and hide to get away from this fiasco. I knew of a good hiding/ make-out spot on the other side of the school. But as we get to that side, in the parking lot there are several Methodist Church vans there to pick up people, I'm assuming who survived the massacre. Well, this girl was the preacher's daughter, so we climbed into the van.
One of my friend's dad was driving and we got into a wreck with a small car. No one was hurt, but somehow we were instantly transported to that friend's house. Sweet! Now I would have lots of make-out time with Laura. But as I'm walking to my friend's little brother's room, she's in there with him.
So I was just sitting there in the living room of my friend's house. A couple other unrecognizable people were there. And just when something else is about to happen. My alarm clock radio, that I forgot to turn off before I went to sleep, starts blaring at 6:30. I hit snooze and went back to sleep, but I left the dream forever.
Oh yeah, this photo has absolutely nothing to do with this story.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Water tower
There used to be a huge water tower by my school when I was a kid. Some years, high school students would jump the fence and climb to the top of the tower and spray paint how much their class ruled.
The water tower was torn down around the time I was in Jr. High. I remember being disappointed that we'd never be able to climb the eyesore and paint "2000 Rules" on the side.
The water tower was torn down around the time I was in Jr. High. I remember being disappointed that we'd never be able to climb the eyesore and paint "2000 Rules" on the side.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Things Could Get Weirder
I really want to know what is going on in this picture. A sheet covered with bloody carcasses. Is it a religious ritual? A slaughter-house social? An agricultural class? Lunch? Buzzard trap? Horror movie props? Fear Factor screening? Remains of an exploding horse? Cannibal flea market?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Snuba Diving
I went on a cruise in the Gulf of Mexico after I graduated college. We stopped at Cozumel where I got to go snuba diving for a couple hours. I think that is where I developed the rash on my face. I had a huge welp across my forehead (I'm assuming it was from the goggles). The trip would have been cool if I hadn't had that across my face for the 2nd half of it.
Also, I got a little dehydrated on the trip and couldn't pee so well when I got back. Man, how things change.
Note to self: Go snuba and or scuba diving again.
Also, I got a little dehydrated on the trip and couldn't pee so well when I got back. Man, how things change.
Note to self: Go snuba and or scuba diving again.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Baahhhh
I never raised goats as a kid, but I did raise pigs. I once won the county show for best gilt. I always hated the goats though. It was gross watching people walk them, because in order to get them to move you had to poke them in the butt.
I'm glad I only did this until 8th grade. Since my gilt had won we were going to breed her and try to sell her babies as show pigs. Luckily, she didn't get pregnant, so we ate her instead.
I'm glad I only did this until 8th grade. Since my gilt had won we were going to breed her and try to sell her babies as show pigs. Luckily, she didn't get pregnant, so we ate her instead.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Time to Move
When I was moving into my house and moving out of the duplex, I had a few things left at the duplex that I needed to pick up. I decided to stop by the duplex after work and grab those things. As I opened the front door, I released some pressure in the house that was holding the sliding glass door together and it shattered on the floor. My first thought was, "Oh crap, someone has broken into the house. Oh crap, they might be in there right now."
So I called the police. The police showed up in a couple of minutes to search the place. No one was found, so they wrote it up as criminal mischief.
Using my own detective skills, I found out that the lawn service had come by that day and mowed. They must have thrown a rock into the door, shattering it and then not reporting it. I didn't have to pay for it, so it's all cool. We even got our deposit back.
So I called the police. The police showed up in a couple of minutes to search the place. No one was found, so they wrote it up as criminal mischief.
Using my own detective skills, I found out that the lawn service had come by that day and mowed. They must have thrown a rock into the door, shattering it and then not reporting it. I didn't have to pay for it, so it's all cool. We even got our deposit back.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
If They Mated
When this came up on a thumbnail, I instantly thought, "that tranny needs to shave." Ends up this is a couple who had their images mashed together ala-Conan O'Brian, If They Mated style. Whoever did this is pretty awesome at what they do.
Did I tell you about the one time I went on a date with a girl who had about this much facial hair? Yes, she was born female. The hair was on her neck and during the date she kept sitting with her hand covering her neck, so she obviously knew it was there. If she were so self-conscious, why didn't she do something about it?
Did I tell you about the one time I went on a date with a girl who had about this much facial hair? Yes, she was born female. The hair was on her neck and during the date she kept sitting with her hand covering her neck, so she obviously knew it was there. If she were so self-conscious, why didn't she do something about it?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
What is it?
This isn't something you see everyday. A giant booger monster stroking a bald man's head. That's probably the first time that sentence has ever been written. I'm so original.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I miss Europe
In the summer of 2006, I quit my job and travelled through Germany and France for 2 weeks with my friend, Ronny. We rented bicycles and traveled to small villages outside of cities and into the Black Forest. In Europe, bicyclist have the right of way. We were never concerned that we were going to get run over.
We got lost riding outside of Frieburg, Germany. We rode for seven hours that day. Most of the time we were trying to figure out how to get back to Frieburg. When it was certain that we were lost, I convinced Ronny to finally stop someone and ask him how to get back to Frieburg. We were going in the exact opposite direction that we should have been going.
The signs in the German countryside are not good navigators.
We got lost riding outside of Frieburg, Germany. We rode for seven hours that day. Most of the time we were trying to figure out how to get back to Frieburg. When it was certain that we were lost, I convinced Ronny to finally stop someone and ask him how to get back to Frieburg. We were going in the exact opposite direction that we should have been going.
The signs in the German countryside are not good navigators.
Monday, August 18, 2008
My favorite tree
I had a favorite tree when I was a kid. We lived next to the Catholic Church parsonage and there were three giant, fruitless mulberry trees in the parsonage yard. The house was mostly vacant until a priest or some nuns would stay for a short time.
The tree closest to our house was the easiest to climb. Before I was big enough to pull myself into the tree, my brother and his friends would climb as high as they could and get up in the skinny branches. My mom used to babysit a brother and sister about my brother's age. The boys name, I think, was Bucky Puckett. One day Bucky climbed up so high in the tree he was afraid to make a descent. I think he started crying, but I can't remember I was only 4 or so. I'll have to ask my brother.
When I became older, I would climb the tree and read books. The branch system at the top of the trunk made into three seats for someone my size. I started a club in the tree with my friends, Eric and Erick. We would spraypaint on the branches who we had crushes on. We also tied a rope into the tree to make it easier to climb. I nailed a shoebox into a branch where I kept sticks that I had sharpened in case we were ever attacked and we needed sharp sticks.
When I became older, I spent less time in the tree. By the time I was in high school, I probably never set foot in the tree again. My freshman or sophomore year of high school, I was driving home for lunch. We were in the middle of a wind storm and the gusts were getting up pretty high. You really couldn't see anything because the dust clouded everything and in the distance looked like a giant wall. When I got home I saw that the tree had been ripped up by it's roots and tossed on its side.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I instantly felt I was in a dream-like state. Someone had died and I was at the disbelief level of coping. Maybe, there was so much dust in my eyes I really wasn't seeing what I was seeing. I ran into the safety of my house and peaked out the screen door to make sure it was true. And it was. Of the three giant, fruitless mulberries in a row, my favorite one, had been murdered. The other two were still holding on for dear life.
The landscape and the view to the east of my parent's house has never been the same.
The tree closest to our house was the easiest to climb. Before I was big enough to pull myself into the tree, my brother and his friends would climb as high as they could and get up in the skinny branches. My mom used to babysit a brother and sister about my brother's age. The boys name, I think, was Bucky Puckett. One day Bucky climbed up so high in the tree he was afraid to make a descent. I think he started crying, but I can't remember I was only 4 or so. I'll have to ask my brother.
When I became older, I would climb the tree and read books. The branch system at the top of the trunk made into three seats for someone my size. I started a club in the tree with my friends, Eric and Erick. We would spraypaint on the branches who we had crushes on. We also tied a rope into the tree to make it easier to climb. I nailed a shoebox into a branch where I kept sticks that I had sharpened in case we were ever attacked and we needed sharp sticks.
When I became older, I spent less time in the tree. By the time I was in high school, I probably never set foot in the tree again. My freshman or sophomore year of high school, I was driving home for lunch. We were in the middle of a wind storm and the gusts were getting up pretty high. You really couldn't see anything because the dust clouded everything and in the distance looked like a giant wall. When I got home I saw that the tree had been ripped up by it's roots and tossed on its side.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I instantly felt I was in a dream-like state. Someone had died and I was at the disbelief level of coping. Maybe, there was so much dust in my eyes I really wasn't seeing what I was seeing. I ran into the safety of my house and peaked out the screen door to make sure it was true. And it was. Of the three giant, fruitless mulberries in a row, my favorite one, had been murdered. The other two were still holding on for dear life.
The landscape and the view to the east of my parent's house has never been the same.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I believe I can fly
Whatever happened to flies? In the summers when I was a kid it seemed like you always had to have a flyswatter around to kill flies because they were all over the place. Nowadays, you may see one every once in a while. Same goes for mosquitoes.
I have one theory for my hometown where the Boll Weevil Eradication program went into effect sometime in the mid-90s. This program which is probably the cause of all tumors, killed off a lot more bugs than just the boll weevil. Without the bugs, the birds left too.
I really can't complain about bugs being gone, I just thought it was weird.
I have one theory for my hometown where the Boll Weevil Eradication program went into effect sometime in the mid-90s. This program which is probably the cause of all tumors, killed off a lot more bugs than just the boll weevil. Without the bugs, the birds left too.
I really can't complain about bugs being gone, I just thought it was weird.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
What is it?
It's Saturday morning and I'm too lazy to write about anything, so I'm just going to ask the question: What is it? This looks like one of those diagrams they show when explaining the neural net in one's brain.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Things I miss
1. Summer
2. that feeling you get when you think you're in love.
3. my great-grandmother
4. Bill Wooley
5. that feeling where I had all the time in the world.
6. my ability to recall
7. long days
8. making people laugh
9. leading
10. youth
2. that feeling you get when you think you're in love.
3. my great-grandmother
4. Bill Wooley
5. that feeling where I had all the time in the world.
6. my ability to recall
7. long days
8. making people laugh
9. leading
10. youth
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Snakes
Growing up I think I had about four different pet snakes: A king snake, green snake, glass snake and a rock snake.
The coolest snake was the rock snake. He was only about 6 inches long and as narrow as a worm. I could hold my hand out and he would criss-cross between my fingers.
The coolest snake was the rock snake. He was only about 6 inches long and as narrow as a worm. I could hold my hand out and he would criss-cross between my fingers.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Chocolate Milk Falls
I went to college in Wichita Falls, TX. Although the school there, Midwestern State University, is very nice, the town is a complete joke. After living there for nearly six years, I had to get out as fast as I could.
In the biggest park in Wichita Falls and visible from the highway passing through is an artificial waterfall. It can be turned on and off by the flip of a switch. And about 95% of the time, the color of the water is as brown as chocolate milk.
In the biggest park in Wichita Falls and visible from the highway passing through is an artificial waterfall. It can be turned on and off by the flip of a switch. And about 95% of the time, the color of the water is as brown as chocolate milk.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Dizzy
I've been feeling pretty weird for the past couple days. I'm not exactly dizzy, but it's something like being dizzy. If I move my head quickly in any direction it feels like it's taking a couple seconds for my brain to catch up with it. There is also some slight heaviness behind my eyes. Hopefully I will live throught my yoga practice today.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Rent-A-Dog
I like dogs, kinda. I don't like them enough to own one, but I'd like to have one around every once in a while when I'm out. Dogs are total chick magnets. You could have the ugliest, stupidest, stinkiest dog in the world and girls will want to come up and pet it and talk to you about dogs, I guess. If you're smooth enough, you could easily turn this conversation into getting digits so they can come see the dog, or you, again.
Somebody needs to open up a dog rental where I could rent a dog for an afternoon. I'd walk him around and meet girls. Tell them that it belongs to my parents, friend, cousin or something and I'm dog-sitting. When I've gain a sufficient amount of numbers, I could take him back and not have to worry about him crapping on my floor.
Somebody needs to open up a dog rental where I could rent a dog for an afternoon. I'd walk him around and meet girls. Tell them that it belongs to my parents, friend, cousin or something and I'm dog-sitting. When I've gain a sufficient amount of numbers, I could take him back and not have to worry about him crapping on my floor.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Not this year
I called my uncle Lindy this weekend to see if he would take me fishing this summer in Colorado. Maybe next year, he said.
Friday, August 8, 2008
2008.8.6 - Dachau
I'm quite suprised to see the Dachau is so picturesque. What a strange juxtaposition of having a tree-lined street to such a depressing place. It's like following a great, white light to death.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Where did the summer go?
Just look at these people. Soaking up the sun, playing with paint. What have I done this summer? Absolutely nothing. I need to plan a river trip or a trip to the lake. I've only been swimming once. And school is starting back in like three weeks.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Built for Two
10 Things that are difficult, annoying, embarrassing to do without a partner:
1. Riding a tandem bicycle.
2. Eating at a sit-down restaurant. Unless you bring something to do while you wait for your food.
3. Playing a board game.
4. Witnessing a UFO.
5. Making a hole-in-one.
6. Two-stepping.
7. Wall climbing.
8. Kissing.
9. Folding sheets.
10. Procreating.
1. Riding a tandem bicycle.
2. Eating at a sit-down restaurant. Unless you bring something to do while you wait for your food.
3. Playing a board game.
4. Witnessing a UFO.
5. Making a hole-in-one.
6. Two-stepping.
7. Wall climbing.
8. Kissing.
9. Folding sheets.
10. Procreating.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Mountain Streams
From the time I was about 12 until 18 my uncle would take me to Colorado every summer to go fly fishing. We would stand around in streams that looked much like this. In order to fly fish in a stream you need to wear waders, which are rubber boots that go all the way up your legs. You can stand in a stream with the water up to your mid thigh as long as the current isn't too strong.
The first time I went fishing I was walking along the side looking for a good place to step in. The water was so clear, I could see the bottom from everywhere. I found what appeared to be a slow, shallow spot and decided to step in. The refraction of light made it appear that my foot was closer to the bottom than it actually was. My legs kepting going deeper and deeper until I hit an undercurrent and had my legs swept out from under me. I grabbed hold of some weeds on the bank as the water, now up to my waist, was filling my waders.
I can't remember if someone helped drag me out or I pulled myself out. When I was done, my legs were completely soaked and freezing. I continued fishing the rest of the day with soaked socks and jeans in my waders.
The first time I went fishing I was walking along the side looking for a good place to step in. The water was so clear, I could see the bottom from everywhere. I found what appeared to be a slow, shallow spot and decided to step in. The refraction of light made it appear that my foot was closer to the bottom than it actually was. My legs kepting going deeper and deeper until I hit an undercurrent and had my legs swept out from under me. I grabbed hold of some weeds on the bank as the water, now up to my waist, was filling my waders.
I can't remember if someone helped drag me out or I pulled myself out. When I was done, my legs were completely soaked and freezing. I continued fishing the rest of the day with soaked socks and jeans in my waders.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Chick Bands
Can you name 5 all-girl bands that you really enjoy?
1. Azure Ray
2. Tegan and Sara
3. Regina Spektor
4. Liz Phair
5. Jenny Lewis
1. Azure Ray
2. Tegan and Sara
3. Regina Spektor
4. Liz Phair
5. Jenny Lewis
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I'll never understand...
why Madonna is so famous. I've never met anyone who has admitted that Madonna is their favorite artist. I've heard her songs, but I've never purposely listened to them. It's kinda like that pop culture immersion one has just by living. Kinda like how I know lyrics to that one 50 Cent song about partying on your birthday. I've never heard that song in my life.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Food!
Holy crap, it's nearly 1 on Saturday and I haven't even eaten yet. I'm so freaking starving. Doesn't this look delicious?
Friday, August 1, 2008
5 things that do not impress cats
1. organic vegetables
2. children
3. dogs
4. mini-blinds
5. their own vomit
2. children
3. dogs
4. mini-blinds
5. their own vomit
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